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Excerpt from Within the Portal—A Near-Death Experience Memoir and Guide to Spiritual Development.
DEAD AND ALIVE
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
—Khalil Gibran
O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?
—Corinthians 15:55
Well, well, well . . . So, I can die easy.
—Led Zeppelin and Blind Willie Johnson (“In My Time of Dying”)
Even dead, I am alive.
A thunderous hum surrounds me.
It is an atmosphere. Comforting and soothing because it is familiar within this strange and unknown dimension. I do not know within which cell, atom, or nuclei of my body or brain the hum resides—or how, when, or where I know of it, but its familiarity reminds me that I am AWARE.
I am alive. I live. I exist.
Even dead . . . I am alive.
I am primordial. I am soul.
The hum, the harmony of the spheres, is comforting, like a sweet, omnipresent flute.
There is no “where,” no “place,” no “when,” no “I.”
I’ve no identity, only awareness. I exist within a mesh of celestial awareness, stretched across a fabric of empty space.
The thunderous hum surrounding me causes emotions. It drifts closer through this primordial, celestial space . . .
A presence is with me; I am not alone.
She is ochre, a smoldering orange, deep and rich in texture. She is gentle, smart, soothing, caring. It is wisdom. It is love. It is my origin. My source. My protection. She is Divinity.
My soul has left my body.
My body lies on pavement, swathed in motor oil and body oil—hot motor oil pours over me and crimson body oil flows from my nostrils, mouth, ears, and eyes. A pastor recites the last rites as I lie dead in the street. “May the Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit. May the Lord who frees you from sin save you and raise you up.”
But who is he praying over? I am not there: the spirit has left the body. It teleported upon impact; journeying in an instant to the other side. The three elements of my being have been separated:
· My physical body of flesh and bones lies on the pavement of an accident scene.
· My energy body made of wheels of light remains and hovers above.
· My causal body and consciousness are in another dimension altogether.
At the moment of impact, my spirit catapults through light years and constellations, landing softly in a dark that is not dark, in a place that has no place, in light that is not light. No time, location, or identity. In the darkness of light, in the light of darkness, there is peace, comfort, and sublimity.
The spiritual presence of ochre-saffron assures me all is well.
I have no doubt.
All I feel is well. Peace. Comfort.
***
She was love, knowledge, wisdom, and safety. There was no concern. I was content. I had no needs, no wants. Her presence was peace and contentment.
I knew I was dead, but I was not afraid. I asked the saffron presence, “Will I return as I was? Where are the angels? The loved ones who passed on before me? I do not feel alone, yet I am alone.”
She guided me, “You shall return. Rest. You will need the rest for what you will endure upon return. I will always be with you. Even when you do not believe or are aware of me, I will always be with you. As I’ve always been, I always will be. I am yours. You are mine.”
I had no doubt.
She is eternal. We have been together always.
Death was not scary. It was not worrisome. It was not blissful nor joyful. It was . . . temporary.
A silly delay, like a road detour on your way home. Nothing to get worked up about. Within The Portal that lay between death and life, I had no need for a body or possessions.
My mind was clear. My spirit was intact. I was in clear contact with my essence, my soul. No body, ego, or desires existed between us; my mind was aligned with my soul.
Not confined by space or time, I was able to know and be aware—without witnessing or being told—that the body known as Scott was being resuscitated by paramedics in an intersection.
“I’m not ready. Can I remain here awhile?”
“Your soul is the life force that animates your body. Without it, your body cannot live. Your soul must be returned to your body; your time of death has not come.”
It was arranged that my soul would be rejoined with my physical body to sustain it. Much of my spirit and my mind would remain . . . here.
I had no need to understand nor to plan or review. It was all known—like an instant download—within my mind: The meaning of life, the meaning of death, perfect clarity of the human condition. Who I truly am (a Divine soul), who I have been (infinite lives and incarnations), and who I could become (pure Divine consciousness).
The cosmic upload revealed the body of flesh is disposable; it is merely dense matter. Beneath it is the energy body providing a base for form; it is subtle matter. Beyond both is my causal body: all my thoughts, knowledge, perceptions, emotions, destinies, and karmas from many lifetimes are stored within a causal frame; it is consciousness. All of them are made of worldly matter, some ethereal, formless, and subtle, some dense and physical. Underlying all of them is my true essence: my soul. It is ever-pure and never-changing, perfect and divine.
I understood that only my soul is Divine. The rest of me is ordinary. Identity and body are ephemeral, ever-changing, and of dense matter. Mind and consciousness are ethereal, ever-changing, but ever the same and of subtle energy. I understood there are just two phenomena: spiritual and material. The soul is spiritual, God is spiritual, and the rest is material.
***
“It’s time to return.”
I have no thoughts about this. I have no preference. I only want to please Her. Return, stay, suffer, exalt . . . whatever She wants. I belong to Her.
And She belongs to me.
“Will I remember here? What I know? What I truly am?”
“It will all reside within you. You can remember anytime you truly wish from your heart and with good intention. I am always with you. I am all there is to remember. I am all there is to know.”
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