Within the Portal is dedicated to:
My divine Guru, the personification of Divine Love, Kripalu Maharaj.
And for you…
I hope you enjoy this paradox of the human experience. The few that read this entire text will have a catharsis of growth and expansion of mind and spirit. And hopefully a good time too!
I am not the true author of this book. Whilst I am the composer of its words, celestial and spiritual forces and agents are the true architects and engineers of the events. See for yourself…
Jai Shree Radhey
But if some people still find difficulty in understanding this doctrine, it will be due to my deficient knowledge and awkward style, for the doctrine itself is good and necessary. But I am inclined to believe that even if it were presented with greater accuracy and polish, only a few would find profit in it, because we are not writing on pleasing and delightful themes addressed to the kind of spiritual people who like to approach God along sweet and satisfying paths. We are presenting a substantial and solid doctrine for all those who desire to reach this nakedness of spirit.
—St John of the Cross, Dark Night of the Soul
The art on the book of this book is a yantra.
Yantra is a Sanskrit word that means instrument. Yantras are images of sacred geometry used in the Tantric Yoga traditions as meditation tools They're considered primordial symbols that have no beginning or end, but gazing into them you have mystical effects within the mind; clearing out material thoughts revealing celestial ones.
Yantra are designed with sacred formula: The outer colors, patterns and lines seem to simultaneously expand and contract while concentrating on the center.
This yantra was revealed to me over several nights in the fourth year of my death experience When I meditated on how to design the cover for this book this image kept appearing to me with a nagging attitude.
I reached out to the artist, Christine Michelle, and we collaborated over for weeks. It is true to the tantric formula of yantras and can be used as a meditation device.
Please look at the image I describe it for you.
Working from the outside of the image towards the center.
· A radiant white light for higher spirit.
· 13 green Lotus pills representing yantra of the Anahata chakra.
· The original one has 12 petals; this one has a 13th or another dimension of love.
· An ochre ring for protection.
· Ochre orange is the traditional color of gurus and holy saddhus in India.
· Violet bands of light for higher consciences of the Sahasrara chakra.
· A second ochre orange ring for protection.
· A violet, 11 pointed star, called a hendecagram, that appeared to me on 3 consecutive nights. This is the foundation of the yantra.
· The center ring is an Oroborous; a serpent eating its own tail which represents infinity and eternity.
· Radiating white light expanding from the center.
· The red dot in the center is called a bindi and that is the focal point.
To use a yantra such as this, concentrate your gaze upon the focal point: The bindi dot at the center.
Breathe calmly and evenly as you allow the image to clear your mind. Use pranayam breathing if you know how.
Concentrate your thoughts on the bindi center and dismiss all other thoughts as the emerge from your mind. As your eyes are drawn from the center of the image to the outer patterns,
keep bringing your gaze and concentration back to the center.
Try to fill your mind with the idea of DIVINE LOVE.
As you do, allow the eyes to wander from the center to the outer, and back-and-forth while holding your gaze to the image.
Over time, with practice, yantras can teleport your mind to the HERE and NOW.
A final note:
The artist and I made 2 images. One with the eyes closed, one with them open.
With guidance received from Within the Portal, it was decided to show the eyes opened to illustrate the spiritual awakening of Divine Love Conscious, rather than closed for the “no-mind”, samadhi state of consciousness.
The yantra is in the figures third eye: It can be anyone;
Some see the blue face of Shiva and the yantra as his third eye.
Some see the figure as a yogi meditator, and some see it as Krishna, with his sapphire complexion.
And it can also be you, me, or anyone you want it to be
or all them once.
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Free workshop: YANTRAS--INSTRUMENTS OF DIVINE LOVE MEDITATION
Using yantras as meditation tools. A free workshop: Saturday, Oct. 12, 7.30 am Pacific on zoom. Get link to join live or watch later HERE:
ALL ARE WELCOME. ALWAYS FREE.
___________________________________________________________________________
Back to the book...
“Just wait a moment,” said Tigger nervously . . .
—The Tao of Piglet (Benjamin Hoff)
One man gathers what another man spills.
—Grateful Dead (“St. Stephen”)
We’re about to start swimming in the deep end of the pool. This brief pause will allow you to grab your floaties and take a deep breath.
Terms and Glossary
Each term and concept is defined, described, or explored within the text, but this list of terms will make it easy to reference many of the esoteric, foreign, and Sanskrit words I’ve used. These are not alphabetized because sometimes one term describes another. Enjoy!
Near-Death Experience (NDE): The phenomena of surviving a near-death event or traumatic circumstance that reveals evidence of an afterlife.
Traumatic Brain Injury / Diffuse Axonal Injury (TBI/DAI): This memoir is an NDE account caused by a TBI of the DAI kind. These terms are explored and defined within the text.
Enlightened/ Self-Realized: Personalities who are “One” with spiritual consciousness. Enlightened typically refers to those who have transcended material consciousness and merged their mind with the formless, omnipresent, omniscient, cosmic mind of creation. They have become “One” with “everything.” These include yogis and mystics who experience “objective” reality and remain immune to “subjective reality.” They are in perfect peace of self-contentment and are desireless. They have attained complete “soul awareness,” experiencing their divine soul without material interference. These include Gautam Buddha, Shankaracharya, and other Saints of the monistic, formless aspect of divinity. It is a path of “monism”: Oneness. Once attained, it is eternal, removing you from the Wheel of Life (reincarnation). Upon physical death, the soul merges with Divinity and the mind is terminated. Suffering is terminated because there is no mind to perceive it. This is called advait (ah-dwa-eet) in Sanskrit, meaning non-dualism, which is synonymous with self-realization.
Spiritually-Realized/God -Realized[NS3] [ss4] : These are Divine personalities who are One with a personal form of the Godhead. “Realized” souls are One with their soul (jivatma), the same as “self-realized” persons are as well as One with the supreme, divine soul of God (parmatma). They experience the self-contentment as the Enlightened personalities do, along with the bliss (anand) of their personal form of God (Vishnu, Jesus, Krishna, Shiva, etc.). Upon physical death, the soul merges with God and the mind is divinized and retained. Suffering is terminated, as the mind now perceives Divine Bliss. This is attainment of divine-duality, called dvait in Sanskrit, meaning mono-dualism. Also known as theosis within Western, orthodox religions.
Stupid Humans[NS5] [ss6] : Everyone else! An affectionate, humorous reference of the collective of humanity: anyone who is not Realized or Enlightened. That’s nearly all eight billion of us, including me. We are desire machines, experiencing separation of our mind from our soul and the Godhead (total duality). Our minds are a part of the material phenomena (maya/samsara) and incapable of pure perception of the Godhead or our soul. The separation is an Eternal Condition (original sin).
Soul’s Journey: The collection of experiences that pertain to a human’s journey to attain Enlightenment/Realization. Typically, it occurs over many lifetimes of effort and progress.
Sanskrit: The oldest known language within the world, considered by many spiritualists and mystics to be an eternal language. Hebrew is suspected to be the same and/or a derivative of Sanskrit.
Aspirated (a): Most Sanskrit words do not end in a. The “aspirated a” adaptation is a side effect of the British colonialization of the subcontinent of India. Out of respect for origins, this text will typically allow the aspirated a parenthetically. (For example, it isn’t yog(a), it’s yog, not karm(a), but karm. However, these words are indeed hard to pronounce without adding the “uh” sound!) [NS7] [ss8]
Maya: The material phenomena: anything and everything that is not One with the Godhead or an extension/expression of the Godhead, in other words, the world, you, me, the universe, etc.
Samsar(a): The concept that the material phenomenon (maya) is an illusion and unreal. Sanskrit texts actually state that maya is absolutely real; it is only the conscious perception of it (good/bad/beautiful/painful/etc.) is the illusion.
Karma(a): The cosmic law of cause and effect. The Sanskrit texts are its origins, so we look to those to define what it is and how it is used.
Sanskars: The cosmic law of character, attitude, mood, preferences, and tendencies. Sanskars are similar to karmas, but whereas karm(a) governs events and circumstances, Sanakars govern our dispositions and attitudes. Waking up on the right/wrong side of the bed is an example of a good/bad sanskars. They are stored within our consciousness and come to the surface based on cosmic influences and events. An innate attraction to spirituality would be considered a spiritual-sanskar. A preference of vanilla ice cream and a disdain for Rocky Road could be considered a sanskar. Then again, liking ice cream with marshmallows is just bad taste!
Satsang: Means “divine association” in Sanskrit and refers to attending meditation practice and services within the community. You “go” to satsang like you “go” to church[ss9] .
Sadhana: “Tools/resources” in Sanskrit. Sadhana refers tonyour spiritual practice, like meditation or prayer. You “go” to satsang, but you “do” your sadhana[ss10] .
Darshan: Means “viewing” in Sanskrit, but in a spiritual context. You “see” your family and objects, you have darshan of a deity, temple, holy site, guru, and other sacred things.
Eastern and Western: It is traditional amongst scholars and enthusiasts to simplify thought and systems (spiritual/religious/medical, /etc.) into Eastern and Western. Generally, Eastern includes Sanatan Dharm, Buddhism, Zen, I Ching, and others. Western ones typically refer to Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity, Islam, and their many sects) and Hermetic mysticism (kabbalah, alchemy, ceremonial/ritual, etc.).
Dogma: An official set of beliefs within a system that is accepted by the members of a group without being questioned or doubted.
Religion: A system of thought and beliefs that center on worship, reverence, and dogmas. Religions focus on material living with spiritual intent and provide parameters to do so properly (ethics, morals, rules, guidelines, rituals . . .).
Mysticism: Systems primarily focused on personal experience over dogmas. Mystical systems provide knowledge and practices to progress to a goal of spiritual consciousness (Enlightenment/Realization). While most conventional thought considers mystical paths to be offshoots of religions, most mystics believe it to be the other way around: Mystical practice is the original source of a religion. Example: conventional thought is kabbalah is the mystical path within Judaism. Kabbalists see kabbalah as the source/essence of Judaism.
Yog(a): Literally means “union/join/unite” in Sanskrit. It is where the word “yoke” comes from and describes the harness that joins a plough to a beast of burden, implying it to be the tool that is used to join things together. Yog is the device to join the human mind and body with spirit. There are many paths of yog, and all teach a varying form of the same goal, which is to be joined/united with the Godhead.
Yog(a) paths—Hath(a), Ashtang(a), Kundalini, Bhakti[NS11] [ss12] , etc.: Hatha yog encompasses the area most are familiar with: the system of physical exercises. It is one of the eight branches within Ashtang(a) (Sanskrit for eight branches) revealed by the sage Patanjali. Each yog path is a tool used to attain union with the divine. Bhakti yog (Sanskrit for devotional surrender) is the core and overlying path of all of them. All other yog paths lead to bhakti; only bhakti stands on its own.
The Underground Stream: An ancient term within mystical cultures used to this day. The Underground Stream refers to the true, actual, and authentic set of origins, histories, and workings of humanity. This is the collective of unadulterated knowledge that mystics accept and is verifiable with research behind/beyond/before the conventional versions, which have been modified over the ages to serve religious and political agendas.
Occult: Defined conventionally as supernatural, mystical, magical beliefs. It is a word of Latin origin (occultus), meaning “secret, hidden in plain view.” The latter definition (hidden in plain view) has been systematically removed by organized religion founders to stigmatize the occult as “bad.” The in plain view is a direct reference to The Underground Stream, declaring the truth is available if you know where/how to look for it.
Open and Closed Systems: Western religions are often labeled as “closed” systems, Eastern as “open.” Closed refers to the dogma of a system of thought and practice that insists it is the only correct one, rejecting and disqualifying any that contradict or disagree with them. “Open” systems are more inclusive, with a whatever works perspective so long as it is authentic and true.
Torah/Bible: Out of respect to the original religion of the three main Abrahamic religions, this text will refer to their main scriptures accordingly: Torah (or Tanakh) is the Judaic term for the five books of Moses (the Pentateuch) along with the other thirty-four books. Muslims also typically refer to it this way. Christians refer to it as the “Old Testament” and/or the Bible.
Capitalization: Most holy names, references to God, Saints, as well their possessive pronouns (He/She) will be capitalized to differentiate Them and out of respect.
Author’s note: This text does its best to honor, respect, and adhere to each faith’s dogmatic parameters. The author apologizes for any errors and assures that any errors are unintentional and due to his own ignorance.
Why This Book Is So Long
As its author, I do not personally feel that I am the architect of this experience. I did not consciously volunteer for the events and circumstances portrayed. Fate, destiny, the will of God, chance, serendipity, astrology, and a host of mysterious factors are the true authors of this tale. It begins at my death event and concludes when it stabilized. While there is never truly an “ending” to someone’s life, this set of events took nine years to complete itself.
It is long because it is four books in one:
1. A personal memoir of a bizarre and phenomenal set of circumstances: It is my attempt to triumph over tragedy.
2. A guidebook of recovery through the trauma of injury. While mine was/is a brain injury of the severest sort, I hope my story functions as a guide for others in recovery from traumas of other sorts as well, physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual. Much is offered to provide game-changing, potentially lifesaving strategies others can use to recover from injuries and particularly TBI/DAI.
3. A guide and resource through the NDE phenomenon. Whether you are an expert in NDE or an enthusiast, this book also functions as a resource for understanding the phenomenon. The NDE culture and studies related to it are shared as well as my firsthand experience with it and my experience’s own unique features.
4. A reference for spiritual, religious, and mystical systems. Long before his NDE event, I was a lifelong theologue, studying religion and practicing mysticism since my youth. I am a certified expert in many and proficient in most spiritual concepts and appreciate them all. I see life and my experiences through a spiritual lens rather than a material/worldly one. The supernatural quality of my lifetime has become rather undeniable, and my life’s work has been to share spiritual perspectives on mundane affairs. The perspectives I share are authentic and verifiable. The references and concepts I use and share are true to their origins and sources. I make a tremendous effort to remain objective and true to all that is presented. If/when I offer a subjective opinion or theory on a spiritual concept, it is noted as such (I think . . . my own view is that . . . I suspect but can’t confirm . . .).
Most text is presented as matter-of-fact to not disrupt the pace, mood, and context of the narrative with constant footnotes and long-winded definitions and resources to qualify them. I do not declare myself to be spiritually omniscient! I am just presenting what I know through experience and then verified with study, research, and application. I encourage all readers to doubt and confirm anything presented. Most things presented are easily confirmed online, and I hope to earn your confidence in what and how I present.
I am a creative-narrative nonfiction writer. This means that everything I write is truly nonfiction. It is not merely “based on” or “inspired by” true events. Nothing has been exaggerated. What I’m presenting is approximately three-fifths of the whole account and it’s still long! (The other two-fifths were edited out of the narrative but are as equally important as what remains. Edits were necessary so as to not overwhelm you. Some of the anecdotes that were removed will appear in blog posts on the site for those who want more in certain sections.)
There will be contradictions: As a mortal, flawed, human person, I am confident and prideful in one chapter and humble and insecure in another. I have learned and follow the spiritual axiom of “prideful in the world, humble in my heart.” The world is rather dog-eat-dog, and as a full-time resident of planet Earth, I have learned and earned my pride and confidence. I have paid dearly for all I have accomplished, and I’ve put my back into my labors of love with little to no help from other humans. This makes me proud and confident. I have also witnessed and become a part of undeniable miracles that humble me each and every day with inexpressible gratitude for the spiritual forces in my life. This humbles me. The paradox is this: In worldly terms, I’m an overachieving miracle man who never gives up and is proud of it. In spiritual terms, I am nothing: I am a flawed, stupid-human desire machine in awe each and every day at God’s glory and obvious presence surrounding all of us.
I’m proud to serve Him, but I’m humbled by the slightest opportunity to do so, humbled as to why He would bother with me at all. I’m proud to know of Her and have direct association with Divinity. I’m humbled and mystified as to why I am blessed in this regard. I am no better, and in many ways much worse, than so many within humanity.
I want to try with every part of my spirit to be worthy of Her love. Yet the only thing I truly know is that I’m not and never can be. Yet She loves me anyway, completely, unconditionally, and selflessly. And She loves you the same way too.
***
Thank you for inviting me into your life and giving me your time. I hope my story entertains, illuminates, enlightens, mystifies, and satisfies you. It is my honor to be your host and share time with you.
Are you ready?
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